This is bad timing because of that last reality show post, but at least Tila Tequila did something interesting this morning when she turned on her camera, waved a gun around, took her clothes off and ranted for hours online about Shawn Meriman beating her and drugs and people who hate her.
“People call me an attention whore .. or whatever … but excuse me I’m a grown ass woman and I’m confident in myself. I think a woman’s body is a beautiful thing … that’s why I’m a lesbian … I was born naked … anybody who is against that is gay and in denial.”
“I am an angel … because I am here to save the world with my army.”
I don’t think Tila is pretty but she takes all of her clothes off in order to get attention, and that’s a very endearing quality. It says a lot about a girl. She’s not all uptight and conceited and selfish. A girl who will show you her tits for no reason is gonna be fun to hang around with. And if the demons in her head occasionally tell her to have sex with me for attention, well that just makes her even more exciting.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS - has a new episode of ‘Between Two Ferns’, this time with Andy Richter and Conan O’Brien. Anything I write here will look dumb compared to even the smallest thing Zach and Andy do in this, so I’m giving up except to say fuck them both. (funny or die)
JESSICA ALBA - has written an article about her trip to DC last week. She says she went, “to pound the pavement and talk about education for the world’s poorest children.” And there’s a picture included of Jessica with Hillary Clinton who is autographing a soccer ball. Problem Solved! (huff post)
JOHNNY DEPP - has signed a deal paying him $35 million to do a fourth ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movie. In a related story, I sleep on a bed stuffed with old newspapers and hay. Horray for Hollywood! (the sun)
BEYONCE - carries a small wind machine with her around in clubs, even when she’s sitting down, to “keep her hair blowing everywhere - just like it does in her ‘Crazy in Love’ video.” This is an easier way to look sexy than my suggestion, which was to carry a treadmill everywhere so she could run her fat ass off. (the mirror and wenn images)
Lindsay Lohan has only bothered to complete about half of the requirements in her probation after a 2007 DUI arrest, and last month a judge told her she would go to jail if she continued to “thumb her noise” at the court.
In a related story, Lindsay stole two bottles of champagne while at Crown Bar last week (story here), and up top is a video captured by X17 Online of Lindsay in a bathroom this weekend with Brandon “Firecrotch” Davis while he appears to do coke. Using her quick legal mind, Lindsay went on twitter and denied she was there.
“hahaha x17online posted photos of NOT ME inside someone’s bathroom…
All negativity & bad karma..nice try though kids-u should do a deal with michael lohan sr :) a match made in heaven! perfect, he’s religious!
Thank you for keeping my company!”
I don’t mean to brag but I’m pretty sure I know what Lindsay Lohan looks like. And what she looks like is the ratty haired, post-apocalyptic truck-stop hooker in that bathroom with coke in it. The full video is under the “read more” link, and in that she leaves the next morning so there’s no doubt she was there. Any normal judge would see this and at least bring her in for a drug test, but judges in LA have all the deductive power of a ref in the WWE.
I had the video above showing Katy Perry almost flashing her tits during rehearsals of the MTV Europe Music awards together with the pictures in the post below, but now I’ve added some sceencaps from the video and so I’m splitting them into two posts. This way I’ve done essentially nothing and yet it looks as though I have. I’m a real busy bee.
Katy Perry hosted last nights MTV Europe Music awards, and during the show she wore this flesh colored top, which looks awesome in the thumbnails because you think she might be naked. She’s not of course and she might as well have taken my erection and slammed it in a car door because anything flesh colored scares me. Specifically tight clothes, because it looks like the skin they stretch over evil robots in movies about the future. My parents still have one of those old flesh colored phones with the chord and all that. It looks like they’re talking into a prosthetic foot.
(UNSEXY UPDATE - normally this is the spot where the sexy Jessica Alba video would be, but her attorneys thought you might enjoy reading this even more.)
Jessica Alba has said before she would never do a nude scene in a movie, but this sure as hell looks like her getting brutally beaten sexily spanked in this leaked clip from the upcoming movie ‘The Killer Inside Me’. You can only see her face and ass at the same time for an instant, but that was more than enough time for aspiring perverts to freeze and screencap it.
I have no idea what the hell this could possibly be about, but I’d be willing to give a movie about naked Jessica Alba giving into desire and learning erotic lessons a chance. I’m open minded like that.
