Tiger Woods Hair Plugs Looking Great

Tiger Woods took in a DUI over the Memorial Day weekend, for shits and giggles. Cops in Jupiter Florida reported the only black dude allowed to live in the areas as acting arrogant during his arrest. Which is unusual because most super wealthy drunken drivers at 3am are chipper with a dash of gentility. It’s almost like booze makes you a jerk.

Woods’ refused to blow into the breathalyzer because he’s been well trained by his attorneys. Despite the automatic arrest for doing so, his lawyers will now argue that Woods’ was affected by doctor prescribed pain medication for his most recent back surgery. If lawyers were QBs, every single one of their passes would be intercepted due to telegraphing. Still, it usually works. Woods’ 2009 car crash into tree after his wife found out he was fucking 100 hookers and the babysitter was later chalked up to Ambien driving. 

Perhaps the most disappointing aspect of the criminal arrest was Woods’ being in a 2015 Mercedes. C’mon, player. The hair might be gone but the billion remains. Update that ride every birthday.

Edited to Add: That was fast. Woods’ claims erratic driving due to unexpected reaction to prescription medication. While driving at 3am.