BRITTANY MURPHY MAKES ME FEEL FUNNY

To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never had sex with Brittany Murphy. And I think I’d remember because a little of her seems to go a long way. She always seems to have that manic energy, and I don’t care how hot her voice is, eventually I’d have to tell her to shut the hell up. But I admire the fact that’s she’s been on several USO tours in Iraq and she dates regular guys like you or your friend (not me though, I’m a very famous Internet celebrity). In fact I think she’s still dating the guy she met when she hired him to hang her Christmas lights. And since that’s normally a job for 12 year olds and recent parolees, I think that places him squarely in the ‘average guy’ category. The idea of a big Hollywood star dating the gardener is actually pretty trippy when you think about it. Especially if you’re high. So if you weren’t absolutely blown away by that last part, get stoned and re-read it. Oh, I know. You can’t fuckin believe it now, can you?





note – originally posted on GMask on July 17, 2005