PARIS HILTON IS DISEASED

Elijah Blue Allman, the son of Cher and Gregg Allman, said on the Howard Stern show last week that he was so concerned that he may have caught an STD after having sex with Paris Hilton that he scrubbed his penis with Tilex.  MSNBC says:

Hilton is “not happy” about Allman’s comments, says a source, even though he described Hilton as a “sweet girl.”   Alman also said he had sex years ago with Hilton’s reality show co-star and former best friend, Nicole Richie.

I'd actually rather have sex with the bottle of Tilex than Paris Hilton.  At least then I wouldn't have to guess why my penis was burning.  There are really only about 10 things that I would care to see Paris Hilton do these days, although 1 through 9 are all "kill yourself".  Number 10 is actually "kill yourself" as well, but I wrote the "I" in "Kill" as a little lightning bolt.