MADONNA HAS HER NEW BABY

Madonnas new photo-op adopted baby arrived in England earlier today from the African country of Malawi.  The 13-month-old boy named Davie Banda (editor's note: that's the coolest god damn name I've ever heard.  This kids skull hasn't even hardened yet and he's already cooler than I am.  God that's depressing) and his new … ummm … "mom", I guess, avoided reporters and is not issuing a statement so far concerning the extremely controversial nature of this adoption after Madonna orchestrated a team to race the baby out of the country before growing legal challenges had time to organize.  The Sun says:

As Madonna's team swooped, documents were being filed demanding that a judge review her claims to the child.  Justin Dzonzi, a lawyer for a group of charities opposing the adoption, said the procedure had been fast-tracked.  He claimed the superstar had broken rules by not spending 18 months in Malawi before being granted custody.  Boniface Mandere, of the child protection group Eye of the Child, said: "The court seems to have made a decision based on Madonna’s wealth."

There was a story a few years ago that Madonna could barely even speak to her kids because they went to soma extra-fancy school in London that spoke only French and she didn't speak any French, so it should be fantastic to see how she gets along with Davie Banda, who has a name like a James Bond villian.  I'm really racist, so I imagine if he talks at all it will be in a series of clicks and whistles, but Madonna didn't take the time to learn any of that, so she'll probably think he's possessed or go on some mad scramble to find the receipt so she can return him, explaining that "I think I got a broken one."