Ignore the banner pic that kinda makes her look like a burn victim who no longer has any features, because Cindy Margolis looks absolutely fantastic in her Playboy pictorial, which leaked online a few hours ago. I never thought she was that hot but she clearly worked her ass off before this and it shows. I pretty much ignored her before but now I like to pretend that we sometimes go on tandem bike rides down by the lake and have picnics. And feed the ducks. And she's all like, “oohhh, the ducks are so cute – look theres a baby!” And I'm all like, “so do you do anal or what?” And she would get real turned on and we would do it.
UNSEXY UPDATE – whoever is in charge of writing threatening letters for Playboy demanding that we take their pictures down must have gotten an "A" at threatening-letter-writing school, because that thing was here within an hour. I’m actually a little flattered.