New documents reveal that the Chupacabra pled no contest four years ago to driving under the influence, which means that if she is found guilty of DUI after driving the wrong way down the Burbank freeway while high on vicodin and marijuana this past Monday, the judge must impose a jail sentence. That’s right. Jail. Nicole Richie. In jail. TMZ says:
The law requires a mandatory sentence of five consecutive days in county jail as well as a one year license suspension for anyone twice-convicted of DUI. In addition, Richie would be ordered to attend an alcohol education program for a year-and-a-half, even if the second conviction is not alcohol-related.
In 2002 she was arrested for driving 50 miler per hour in a 15 mph zone near UCLA. She had a .13 blood alcohol level. In California, .08 is considered intoxicated. Six months later, she was convicted for possession of heroin and driving on a suspended license.
I think a good gift for Nicole’s farewell party would be one of those Garfield “I hate Mondays” posters. Because she was arrested on a Monday. Everyone would be like, “oohh, I get it … hahaha”. Except, instead of showing Garfield with a bowl of spaghetti on his head, it would show Garfield in prison with his head shoved in a toilet and raped with a mop handle by two huge dykes. Or tossing the salad of two guards. I have to assume you have to special order that poster but it would be worth it because everyone would have a good laugh and agree that Mondays stink.
whore
5′1″, 85 pounds, and she did heroin? The hell you say!
OMG, five whole days in jail? When she’s released she’ll be covered with tattoos, have massive arms from weight-lifting, and have a crew cut. I sort of feel sorry for her but dammit, STAY OFF THE ROAD when you’re stoned, bitch. Some of us would like to live a little longer!!
Sounds like a case of the mondays to me.
I’ll take this to be an early Christmas gift from Santa.
Mondays may suck, but apparently Thursdays are friggin awesome! I love this news so much I would marry it. Like on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse where he married the ham sandwich that time. Only, the news that the rich can’t buy their way out of everything will always bring a smile to my face while I’ve gotta believe that Pee-Wee ate that sandwich. Sinner.
I was expecting this to happen. But actually knowing it is, makes it so much better.
She should take solace in the fact that she won’t have to adapt to the shitty food. Can’t hate it if you never eat.
5 days? Five fucking days for endangering the life of everyone on the road? TWICE!! The DUI laws are so horrifically soft.
Doesn’t California have a three strike law? By my count, this is two - I can’t wait for the next one!
This is one of the reaons why they’re my favorite band: http://www.avclub.com/content/node/55757
No no Michael, she didn’t endanger everyone on the road. Only the un-americans who drive with a more than 1:1 ratio, person to car. She was flushing out evil-doers in the carpool lane. She deserves a medal.
owned
Five days is a joke. Pathetic joke. And please, no one in jail is that desperate.
How far can a convicted bull dyke’s fist go up an anorexic celebrity’s ass? I was gonna say that’s a rhetorical question, but I really wanna know.
Probably the most flattering picture of her in, well, ever.
Especially this. It’s nice to know that not every celebrity out there is a complete jackass: The A.V. Club: The last press campaign you did focused as much on your political views as on the music. Given how outspoken you are, why don’t you do more interviews?
Maynard James Keenan: Because I’m not an educated man. I only know what I’m told, and I’m not told that much; I have no frame of reference for how to place things in history [that would let me] be a responsible leader. All I can do is be an artist, and basically waffle on about my feelings
Not that I’m defending what she did, but clearly she’s had a rough life. I mean, she was Paris Hilton’s FRIEND, for goodness sakes! That alone would qualify you for a “not guilty by reason of insanity” plea. At least while she’s in the slammer she can work on her new book, “I Didn’t Drive While High, But If I Did, Here’s the Controlled Substances I Would Have Taken.”
You know, I have the flu and I just found out I need to have all of my wisdom teeth removed next week and still, still this brings a smile to my face. Something about the suffering of assholes brightens even the worst of days. Five days is better than a slap on the grotesquely bony wrist like she would’ve gotten had the judge had and sort of descretion in the matter.
Kiralyhne, we were worried about you! We thought Monkeypants kidnapped you to a desert island where you were subjected to endless Pina Coladas and hot monkey sex. And then you didn’t invite me.