January 2, 2007 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments
Pictures of Jessica Alba playing football in a bikini doesn't even sound like a real thing, it sounds like something a 14-year-old would draw in his wish book. It's just too good to be true. Her nipples are even showing for Christ’s sake. Honest to god, you would need that diamond hardness scale to measure my erection right now. I could use my penis to cut glass. There's no way this can be real. I'm sure if I looked closer I'd see a winking sun drinking a coke and Captain America's dinosaur eating bin Laden, but I don't want to ruin it. I'm so much happier in pretend world, in this fantasy world where Jessica Alba plays football in a bikini. And look, now I’m a Viking!