Luckily, reader Albert has unthinkably bad movie viewing habits and ended up looking up the 1999 TV movie "Joan of Arc" on IMDb, only to discover that the page has Leelee Sobieske represented by a picture of a little dog (link here). And she should be thrilled too, because the little dog is 8 billion times hotter than she is. She should be flattered that they thought she was as attractive as a dog, because it's a huge step up. I'd rather make out with this little dog in front of my parents and the girl I had a secret crush on in high school than Leelee in a black room with no windows. At least the dog wouldn't ask me to call later.