“DUN, DUN, DUUUUN…”

Us Magazine says that Owen Wilson’s addiction to heroin and cocaine and his breakup with Kate Hudson may have contributed to his depression and led to his suicide attempt on Monday.  They also seem to think its amazing that he went to church three days before the attempt.  Us says:

Wilson visited a St. Monica church in his neighborhood on August 23, out of either devotion or desperation. Three days later, actor Luke Wilson, 35, found his brother in his Santa Monica, California, home with his left wrist slashed, having ingested a quantity of pills.While the news stunned Owen's fans, members of his and Hudson's inner circles were reportedly all too aware of his private struggles with depression and addiction to cocaine and heroin. According to sources close to the actor, his downward spiral only worsened after his June split from Hudson, 28."We always thought he was just too fun-loving, but now it's obvious he was just dealing with way too much to handle," says a family friend.

It had to be the drugs.  Because … um … Kate Hudson?  What kind of weirdo tries to kill himself over Kate Hudson?  That chick is completely average in every way.  She could walk through my bedroom on fire and I'm not sure I would even notice.  I've seen her a million times and I'm not even positive what she looks like.  I know she's white and she has a head.  I think.  Yeah, yeah, she definitely has a head.