FRECKLETITS JR. IN CAR WRECK

According to InTouch Weekly, Freckletits' 13-year-old sister Ali was involved in a car wreck after sneaking out of the house to meet a boy.

Ali had snuck out of the house to be with her friend, a 16-year-old boy who has a learner’s permit. He had taken the car without his mother’s permission,” says the insider. “Luckily, she was not hurt.”

Now, to old fogies like you and me, 16 and 13 aren't all that different.  But that's a sophomore in high school dating an 8th grader.  What a stud, I wasn't getting any action from junior high chicks until I was well into my twenties. 

But let's backtrack: 'snuck out of the house'?  You mean Dina Lohan's house?  Yeah, I bet she had to be fuckin' MacGyver to pull that one off.

"Bye mom, I'm gonna go meet up with this Nigerian banker I met on Craigslist."

(looks up from her pile of coke) "Huh? What?  Oh, okay, have fun.  Call me if you need a cashier's check." 

Poor girl.  She'd be better off being raised by Michael Vick. Freckletits is such a bad example. Ali should try to be more like Hayden Pantiesrarely, who looks healthy and is cute like a baby polar bear. -LM