The National Enquirer says today that Owen Wilson was hospitalized last night after attempting suicide. They say he slit his wrists and took an undisclosed amount of pills. The NE says:
Wilson was transported to St. John’s hospital in Santa Monica , Calif. on Sunday, August 26, by ambulance.
He was discovered by a family member who summoned help.
Police and an ambulance responded to a 911 call from Owen’s house around noon on Sunday.
His wrist was sutured and bandaged at the hospital.
Owen was brought in to St. John’s in very serious condition. Police were on the scene immediately as was a criminal defense attorney, believed to be working for Wilson. Some of Owen’s family was with him.
Wilson was stabilized at St. John’s.
Why do people keep making up crazy stories about Owen Wilson? One time I even heard someone say that he tried "marijuana". Umm, marijuana is illegal! How would he even get it! Bullshit like that makes me really wonder about these tabloids sometimes.
UPDATE: Owen has now issued this vague statement:
"I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time."
So does this non-denial mean he really did try to kill himself? Uh, sure why not.
I think his nose tried to kill him.
If I had a 10 year-old boy's penis for a nose, I'd probably wanna die, too.
Someone from the NE must have just watched The Royal Tenenbaums
NEWSFLASH: OWEN WILSON DESPERATELY SEEKING ATTENTION
I'm tempted to make another account as I just realized how awesome a nickname the "Butterscotch Stallion" is.
Well he can blow his nose and his load at the same time, Doc.
thiiiiiiiiink abouuuuut iiiiiiiiiiit!!!!
I think the wisest course of action at this point is to fill this thread with as many nose jokes as possible, then mail Owen a copy. That'll cheer him up!
You have so much to live for Owen…"Shanghai Noon", "Shanghai Knights"..you're like the white Chris Tucker!
Oh…
I never got what was cool about this fucking retard. He plays the same one note ass hole in all the crap they put him in. Fuck this loser, I am getting depressed thinking about how stupid you have to be to fuck up killing you self. OVER AND OUT !
Why is it always the Ugly brother who tries to kill himself?
Well, I believe his nose is rendering a third nostril. I could go with a cocaine joke with this, but it's just too damn easy.
In fact, disregard that whole statement.
wow. this is such a shame. i love this guy. and his nose
Sucks for him, right now he's probably realizing that he's as good at killing himself as he is at acting.
-pwrofcheese-ness
Wouldnt you if everyone knew you went out with the Liberal Piece of Shit Kate Hudson
Although I would still do her in the ass - Damn I have no pride
No way!!
WOW. Kate Hudson must give really great head.
I'd rail Kate Hudson through her baby's crib…
…she has a baby right?
Never mind that amorphous blob of a nose, what's up with his nipples? They look like they are shy and attempting to hide by sliding sideways under his armpits.
Better luck next time, you talentless douchebag!