BAM!

By brendon September 14, 2007 @ 4:36 PM

Can we just be serious for one second please. How GD amazing is it that Jordan Bratman gets to F Christina Aguilera?  More people were killed by gorillas last year than dudes who pulled ass this far out of their league.  I can't believe I never even got to sleep with her once.  I think maybe she was put off by my promiscuous past.  I made it clear to her that I'd never been with a prostitute (in this country) and I even showed her my negative test for STD's, but she wouldn't give it up.  Granted my STD test was a true-false test that I wrote myself, and upon closer inspection it would appear I do in fact have several STD's, but the test is framed in a frame showing Tigger sitting on Winnie the Poohs tummy.  Awwwww!

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67 Comments

(67) Comments

  1. Coksooka Wu 09/14/2007 17:05

    first?

  2. Coksooka Wu 09/14/2007 17:05

    Pregnancy done gave that hizzo some big ol' funbags.

  3. Rick (with a silent P) 09/14/2007 17:06

    Proof that God has pity on us ugly dudes or righteous anger against gorgeous women…

  4. Diremutt 09/14/2007 17:07

    Is that a roadmap tattooed on her tits?

  5. Diremutt 09/14/2007 17:08

    Swergen, two white cocksucka!

  6. Dirty Hairy 09/14/2007 17:08

    Aren't babies supposed to be grown int he uterus, not the breasts? Then again, what the fuck do I know? I still believe in Satan Santa Claws Claus.

  7. djtechsys 09/14/2007 17:08

    she'll lose the nice tits when she gains a screaming mouth to feed…

     

    then she'll end up like britbrit… and we'll be making fun of her "comeback"

  8. bryce 09/14/2007 17:11

    Jason? Jordan? Whatever, the dude is a hero and inspiration to us all…

  9. gotdang 09/14/2007 17:11

    Wow, those are huge…rocks in that ring.   Damn, girl.  Is that what Jordan bought you from the common bank account to which you are the larger contributor?

  10. Jesus H. Christ 09/14/2007 17:12

    I love me some pregnant women.  Boobs swell and firm up.  Cooters get a little juicier.  They tend to give head in lieu of sex.  Asses get a little rounder.  Nasty?  Maybe.  Sextastic? Absolutely.  

  11. DB's Treasure 09/14/2007 17:13

    Absolutely fabulous tits. Too bad the baby has a disgusting hobo looking je.w bag for a father

  12. Tennessee Tuxedo 09/14/2007 17:13

    Why is the chick orange? This woman is the quintessential example of why it would suck to be a woman.  Sweats and T and it probably took her 3 hours to get ready.

  13. nancifaye 09/14/2007 17:14

    How can she be denying that she's preggers?  Her bump is bigger than Nicole Ritchie's.  If you think her boobs are big now, just wait until her milk comes in. 

  14. Stacy 09/14/2007 17:18

    Blue veined monsters.

  15. damNitJim! 09/14/2007 17:19

    i wish i was pregnant again. so i could have bigger tits. cheaper than a boob job.

    why is this news?

  16. man bear pig 09/14/2007 17:24

    Holy fun bags!

  17. MaleBoy_ShaunDeWet 09/14/2007 17:26

    db treasure is right on this one. mazeltow!

  18. Tony03 09/14/2007 17:33

    God, get a load of that beak! Is she Jewish or what?

  19. MaleBoy_ShaunDeWet 09/14/2007 17:34

    jordon looks very motivated in the pics before and has a great smile.

  20. rv 09/14/2007 17:35

    now why cant terrorists kill this guy? hes absolutely useless.

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