Can we just be serious for one second please. How GD amazing is it that Jordan Bratman gets to F Christina Aguilera?  More people were killed by gorillas last year than dudes who pulled ass this far out of their league.  I can't believe I never even got to sleep with her once.  I think maybe she was put off by my promiscuous past.  I made it clear to her that I'd never been with a prostitute (in this country) and I even showed her my negative test for STD's, but she wouldn't give it up.  Granted my STD test was a true-false test that I wrote myself, and upon closer inspection it would appear I do in fact have several STD's, but the test is framed in a frame showing Tigger sitting on Winnie the Poohs tummy.  Awwwww!

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