JESSICA SIMPSON AND ORLANDO BLOOM?

OK! magazine says that Jessica Simpson and Orlando Bloom may have gone public with their new relationship when they secretly arrived together Wednesday night at the Hennessy Artistry party at Paramount Studios.  OK! says:

“They slipped in a little after 8 p.m. and remained backstage for roughly 20 minutes before leaving together,” an eyewitness tells OK!.The pair popped into the event to catch up with Jess’ little sis, Ashlee, who was there in support of her guy pal Pete Wentz, whose rock group Fall Out Boy was performing.“Jessica and Orlando are trying to keep their relationship on the down low,” the source says. “It’s all new to them and they’re still just feeling their ways but they are definitely an item.”

I've always been a little worried that the red-hot primal sexuality I'm packin would be a deal breaker to the torrid affair between me and Jessica, and if it's true she's dating this little weenie than my worst fears have been confirmed.   A Cadillac of a man like myself must have been a little intimidating.  I may have to tone things down.  I usually dress like Rambo, with the black t-shirt and black pants and black headband and an 18 inch knife strapped to my chest and I kill my own food with a compound bow and I go around saying things aren't my business until I get pushed too far, then I become the Lords instrument of peace, but I may just go with a more romantic cape and sword outfit from now on, with one of those tiny masks that someone hides my identity.