JESSICA SIMPSON AND OWEN WILSON?

The New York Daily News blatantly lies today and says that Owen Wilson is now banging away on my beloved Jessica Simpson.  Why would they do that?  I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, DAILY NEWS!!!

She and Owen Wilson have been spotted on a date in Los Angeles, according to the new issue of Star magazine.  The two dined Sunday at the Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica before retiring to his Malibu home.  "He couldn't keep his hands off her," a witness tells the mag.

If you ever wondered why dudes come to Hollywood, it's because of stories like this.  Owen Wilson is a cool guy, but he's also visually disturbing, with his little beady eyes and light bulb nose, and yet he's been wrist deep in more Playmates than work gloves and now he gets to core out Jessica Simpson and her "I aim to please" low self esteem.  Without acting, his hobbies would include World of Warcraft conventions and celibacy.  With acting, his hobbies include decorating Jessica Simpsons D cups and wearing hundred dollars bills as socks.  Advantage: With Acting.