PARIS IS GONNA DIE

Paris Hilton tells Newsweek that she's ready to change her image and give back to the less bla bla bla I wasn't getting any attention and look at me everyone!

"There are a lot of bad people in L.A.," she says. "Before, my life was about having fun, going to parties—it was a fantasy. But when I had time to reflect, I felt empty inside. I want to leave a mark on the world."

The LA club scene does suck, but Paris and her idiot friends are the main reason it sucks, so it's not entirely clear where she's going with this.

She'll be in Rwanda for five days, visiting schools and health-care clinics and bunking in decidedly un-Hilton-like accommodations. "I'm scared, yeah. I've heard it's really dangerous," she says. "I've never been on a trip like this before."  She says she'll resort to eating candy bars if that's what it takes to get her through any foreign-cuisine issues.  She'll be traveling with a little-known children's charity called Playing for Good. "She's using her celebrity and the cameras that follow her for the good of humanity," says Scott Lazerson, the organization's founder. Let's not forget the good of Lazerson, and Hilton. Turns out that he's filming the trip in hopes of selling it as a reality show called "The Philanthropist".

I can't help but admire the way Paris plans to mock the starving Rwandans by eating candy bars in front of them while they eat their own foot.  Maybe after that she can take their bucket of water and bathe her dog.  Or use their penicillin to rinse out her socks.