BOO HOO YOU UGLY BITCH – Nicole Richie and Joel Madden wanted to buy a new house in a gated community in SoCal recently but they were denied by the Homeowners Association, who live in a gated community because of people like Nicole Richie. They said they didn't want to deal with her attention whoring antics and symbiotic relationship with the paparazzi. "Nicole was livid because she loved the house," the source says. "She thinks it's a BS reason, but she couldn't fight it." Which is too bad. This is a BS reason. Those people were probably racist and didn't like … what the hell is Nicole anyway? Mexican? Eskimo? Meximo? YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, YOU MEXIMO HATING BASTARDS!
SOME GUY IS UNDER ARREST – Blake Fielder-Civil (who is married to Amy Winehouse) was arrested last night and stands accused of attempting to fix his upcoming assault trial. Police raided the house he and Winehouse share, using a battering ram to smash down the door. When asked for a comment, the door said, "oww." The Sun says, "Blake is being held by police at a North London police station on suspicion of perverting the course of justice with three other men aged 19, 22 and 25.” Which is why British papers are way better. They make everyone sound like perverts. You could eat a retarded orphan and the headline would be about having a penis in your mouth. OJ IS SO SCREWED – The first day of O.J. Simpson's criminal evidentiary hearing was marked by two audio recordings, one of a voice mail left by OJ, the other made with a hidden recorder in the hotel room where Simpson and several others robbed two men at gun point. The voice mail said, "Hey Tom. It's O.J. What are they talking about a gun? All I wanted was my stuff back again. Nobody had a gun, you know? Ain't nobody had any guns." This is in stark contrast to the recording made inside the room at the time, where "chaotic bellows, barked orders and curses can be heard during a six-minute recording of the confrontation". The tape ends with a man saying, "We were just robbed at gunpoint, man. We were just robbed at gunpoint by O.J. Simpson." OJ has done it again. The Perfect Crime!THE DAILY MAIL IS SARCASTIC – I find it hard to believe that this was the best picture they had of Victoria Beckham.