By brendon January 02, 2008 @ 9:15 AM

I knew I liked Lily Allen.

Lilly Allen has admitted she has anal sex with her boyfriend Ed Simons.
The pop star made the shocking revelation to her father after he questioned whether she had slept with the 37-year-old.
Lily, the daughter of actor Keith Allen, said: "I was with mum, dad, his wife and my sister. We were all sitting round and I said my nipples really hurt today.'  My dad's wife said maybe you're pregnant. I said no I'm not pregnant and my dad went: 'Are you telling me you and your boyfriend haven't had sex?'  I said: 'Well yes but I didn't think you could have sex by having it in the bum bum!' "

When asked for a comment, her dad said absolutely nothing, because right after this he got up from the breakfast table where his daughter was detailing her anal adventures and blew his fucking brains out.

(39) Comments

  1. avatar
    psf 01/02/2008 09:28


  2. avatar
    psf 01/02/2008 09:28

    go me!

  3. avatar
    Stinky Pete 01/02/2008 09:31

    It would almost be sexy, too, if she didn't sound like a four year old describe an anatomically correct doll to a court psychologist.

  4. avatar
    Stinky Pete 01/02/2008 09:32

    By the way, if you haven't figured it out from my first two posts this year, I've given up conjugate verbs for 2008.

  5. avatar
    Jed 01/02/2008 09:37

    Let's all give Lily a round of applause, folks. That right there is a real humanitarian.

    And if she provides video proof of said escapades, she may get a Nobel Prize.

  6. avatar
    Pennsylvania's Finest 01/02/2008 09:39

    celebs are just like us!!! in fact i was just discussing eating out my wife's asshole over Christmas dinner!!

  7. avatar
    lgcjoker 01/02/2008 09:40

    I love her. Who is she again?

  8. avatar
    Jesus H. Christ 01/02/2008 09:43

    Any chance she,*cough*, cleaned old boy up afterwards?  Erswi, you know what I'm talkin' about…..

  9. avatar
    Fred Garvin 01/02/2008 09:44

    I love how through advertising, television, movies and the like, that we have basically turned females into our willing sex slaves! I have always said that womens stupidity was their best trait….and this proves it! The best part is that they don't even knowwe have turned them into our playtoys, we have made them think its all about womens empowerment and strenght…..lol…..sure sure….mor elike its about us getting you to give us anal……now turn over bitch…

  10. avatar
    lgcjoker 01/02/2008 09:44

    I am SO feelin you on that one JHC!

  11. avatar
    lgcjoker 01/02/2008 09:44

    What's more, I can't believe you beat me to it. What the hell is wrong with me? This is gonna be a shitty year, I can feel it already.

  12. avatar
    U-boat 01/02/2008 09:45

    No she didn't. I saw her tell this story on TV and she was only joking to try and shock her father. I'm not saying that she never has though if anyone wants to live in hope. Not my cup of tea though, she looks too much like her dad.

  13. avatar
    TengoWood 01/02/2008 09:50

    So three nipples and anal?
    Other than that retard look on her face, what's not to like?

  14. avatar
    Jesus H. Christ 01/02/2008 09:52

    As long as she doesn't look like her dad whilst bent over, ie. balls hanging down, I'm ok with her facial appearance.  You can't see their face when they're screaming into a pillow.

  15. avatar
    TengoWood 01/02/2008 09:56

    Is it crazy to want her to scream while I put it in her so I can tell if her screaming sounds like her singing? 

  16. avatar
    gtajunky 01/02/2008 09:58

    Love how she’s tells her dad their having sex, but it’s ok, he’s only doing me in the butt so I can’t get pregnant. Amazing how far society has come when anal sex seems to be preferred to vaginal intercourse.

  17. avatar
    Pennsylvania's Finest 01/02/2008 10:03

    anal has always been preferred to vaginal. its like the difference between having sex with on old flappy donkey, and a young vibrant 3rd grader……..so i've heard

  18. avatar
    Pennsylvanias Finest 01/02/2008 10:04

    Hey, I decided to come back to this site after not being her a month only to see that I've actually been posting…or somebody has been posting for me. Goodness, I upset someone that much..LOL! anyway, to whoever the admin on his site is, please destroy this account as I don't post here anymore and any post after this is NOT mine. Hey, nice to go out on top though after ruffling all these feathers and it's nice to know i've gotten under your skin, hey smells like wet dog under here too..hehe, whoever is doing it.

    Anyway, I go to perezhilton.com, and you should too. You could stay here if you're interested in seeing what's already been posted on perez like 5 hours later or if you're interested in seeing 1/100th of the stories that actually exist. I think of this site and think of Fonzi jumping over a shark..lol

    Anyway, this will be my last post on this decrepid site. Farewell pink toes. Somebody might change this post too..lol…but thanks for the reassurance that i've gotten to somebody. The hit dog always barks the loudest. HA!

  19. avatar
    Pennsylvania's Finest 01/02/2008 10:06

    ooops, sorry for my last post…..i really am a dumb fuck.

    this couldn't be scripted any better

  20. avatar
    TengoWood 01/02/2008 10:08

    Nice one!   From wikipedia:

    Allen attended 13 schools in all, including Prince Charles's junior alma mater, Hill House School and Bedales School,[6] and was expelled from several of them for drinking, smoking and performing fellatio.[8]

    She has also called Bob Geldof a "cunt"[37] and a "sanctimonious prat",[38]

    When asked by the NME how she would celebrate if her debut single, "Smile", got to Number 1 in the UK charts, she responded "gak" (a slang term for cocaine). She immediately said that she was joking, but the remark was widely quoted in the tabloid press.

    She also said that everyone who bought Paris Hilton's debut album should be killed off.[41]

    During her August 2007 V Festival appearances she called President Bush "A fucking cunt" and made fun of the well publicized troubles of fellow British singer Amy Winehouse saying "It's the end of the weekend, you have got to have a drink. Here's to Amy Winehouse… ha!". She also took digs at Winehouse's heroin addiction and eating disorders.[45]

    She's also pregnant.

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