PARIS HILTON MIGHT BE A GENIUS

The New York Daily News says today that Paris Hilton kept up her peerless reputation as a nearly functioning retard even when in Africa last week with her boyfriend Benji Madden.  Gatecrasher says…

The couple stayed at the ultra-luxe Mount Nelson Hotel in Cape Town, along with the Kaiser Chiefs and Korn, who were also in town for the My Coke Fest music event.   A hotel spy tells us: "Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman's dress, she would ask how much it was. That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, 'If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?'"

I suspect it will be fine.  Because think of all the times you see people walking around with cheetahs.  You can’t walk 10 feet in this town without tripping over a cheetah.   Often you’ll see little kids holding hands with their cheetah, spinning around in fields of daisies and laughing as they fall.  Cheetahs are only known as Perfect Killing Machines because of anti-cheetah propaganda, funded by the gazelle lobby and pussy African crybabbies.  All that bad stuff is just a bunch of urban legends, really.