Kendra gives good advice

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 12:35 PM


I guess this page is now some TeenBeat Hotline where I give dating advice, because Kendra had another dating question on her site, and God knows why she even knows who I am but this time she sent me her reply to see if we agreed. And it turns out we sure as hell do.  She says the worst possible first date is a movie, because you sit there for two hours and you can’t even talk.  She says that’s boring and she’s 100 percent right.

If you have a date with a super hot girl, I think a good idea would be to go to a really nice restaurant and then after you place your order, pull a ventriloquist dummy out from under the table.  One of those creepy ones in a tuxedo, named Mr. Peepers or something like that.  Then have it tell your date how sexy she is.  Then have it say something really suggestive about her and get into a really loud fight with it.

This of course is if YOU have a date with a super hot girl.  Because then maybe she’ll get freaked out and have sex with me.  My policy is to give my friends horrifically bad advice, and then try to benefit from it.

If I were going out with a super hot girl for the fist time, I would try to plan something where you move around, just like Kendra said.  You don’t want to sit still.  Not a bar or club or that crap, but something intense, more like bungee jumping.  It’s been proven that adrenaline experiences create an intimacy with the ones you share it with.  So then she’ll feel close to you, and if the point is to have sex with her, that will certainly help.  But make sure she doesn’t die.  That will NOT help.

After that, you have to go to a really nice restaurant.  It will impress her, but much more importantly, it will take a few hours.  At some point she’ll have to use the restroom, and that’s when I always stir a few Morning After pills into her food and drinks.  I can’t be taking any chances.  I’m way too hot to be tied down right now.

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(98) Comments

  1. avatar
    Mac-Daddy 07/22/2009 12:36


  2. avatar
    Mac-Daddy 07/22/2009 12:37

    My Cousin-inlaw just got one of these poles…

    I got a few shows! (Don’t tell the wife)

  3. avatar
    DB's Treasure 07/22/2009 12:41

    Jesus Christ on a crutch, she looks fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffucking hot in that banner pic!

  4. avatar
    Mac-Daddy 07/22/2009 12:41

    100% agree on the Adrenaline rush. Nearly every girl I have bungeed or did some other extreme sport with I have fucked.

    Including a girl I just met on the damn bungee bridge!

    Amen to THAT!

    And also…Sara, if you are out there, you can keep the boxers you stole from me!

  5. avatar
    Metrosexuwell 07/22/2009 12:42

    Love her.

  6. avatar
    dirtydiane 07/22/2009 12:46

    nothing says class quite like a pregnant stripper…

  7. avatar
    Zombie 07/22/2009 12:48

    Perhaps DB… but she’s a pregnant, coalburning, senior citizen-fucking, retar— …ah fuck it, I know I’m preaching to the wrong choir.

  8. avatar
    Slaappy 07/22/2009 12:48

    nothing says class quite like a pregnant stripper with a stripperpole in the nursery…

  9. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 07/22/2009 12:48

    who pays you for all the Kendra publicity? the same people that pay you for the Kim Kardashian publicity?

  10. avatar
    Zombie 07/22/2009 12:50

    Perhaps DB… but she’s a pregnant, coalburning, senior citizen-fucking, retar– … ah fuck it, I realize I’m preaching to the wrong choir.

  11. avatar
    dirtydiane 07/22/2009 12:50

    and what the fuck is a steelers blanket doing on the couch? her husband is an eagle for christ’s sake…someone deserves a beating for that shit.

  12. avatar
    DB's Treasure 07/22/2009 12:50

    Zombie, don’t care, don’t care, don’t ca—…you’re right.

  13. avatar
    Rokan 07/22/2009 12:51

    :: Re-post ::

    Zombie, In regards to your question about being “friends with everyone on here.

    I don’t know what you’re talking about.

    I was just at Pepper’s house last week. We rode our Big Wheels down to the corner to get ice cream.

  14. avatar
    Jean-Claude Van Douche 07/22/2009 12:51

    …Kendra…right…fist fucking yourself to her…better than the alternative I suppose.

  15. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 07/22/2009 12:52

    Zombie you make good points regarding this whore. She sucks black cock, and has sucked on balls 60 years older then her. Fake titted waste of dna. I’d be willing to be that she’s not even remotely a true blonde.

  16. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 07/22/2009 12:54

    DD is that an Eagles plaque next to the dart board?

  17. avatar
    CodPiece 07/22/2009 12:54

    A lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying, pregnant and doing a black guy because the old guy she was fucking stunk up the place with his diapers.

  18. avatar
    RedRage 07/22/2009 12:54

    Thanks DD and DDM. I just realized why my buddy was laughing the entire ride. Apparently what he hooked me up with wasn’t a standard bike seat.

  19. avatar
    Zombie 07/22/2009 12:55

    Rokan it’s okay man. I realize when you’re the first person on the board every morning chatting all day long until you’re the last person to leave every night things may start to appear like part of your real life after awhile.

  20. avatar
    SuperB 07/22/2009 12:56

    DDM,I think it is…

    are we sure that is a Steelers blankie or Chargers, cause shes all Charger obsessed.

    Love the folding chair in the kitchen. Watching her show, wow is this chick a slob…

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