that looks painful

By brendon September 11, 2009 @ 10:16 AM

SPL125025_012

Tila Tequila was in Beverly Hills yesterday, and for the first time we got to see some of the damage done by Shawn Merriman last weekend. You can almost see the outlines of his hands in the bruises on her arms, but considering he’s an all-pro linebacker and she could be carried around on your back like Yoda, this could have been much much worse. At best she weighs 100 pounds. He weighs 260, 230 of which are steroids.

As an influential Hollywood reporter, I was of course on scene yesterday when these pictures were taken and I got an exclusive interview. When asked what happened, Tila said:

No quote for you GI. You round-eye. Rook rike soldier boy, come at night, burn my willage.

I was surprised at her candor and … aww man. I can’t lie to you guys. I actually made up that quote. I did not get an exclusive interview. I was just pretending to be a big shot so people would think I was cool.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)

wwtdd

(70) Comments

  1. Faker Zombie 09/11/2009 10:22

    ARGH! Fucking site. Fail.

  2. biggielaing 09/11/2009 10:23

    Wow, she’s so fake. Look at trying to dress like a normal person instead of a common whore for once. Gimmie a break, she should go to Reno and hang out with Big Ben’s bitch.

  3. RbDallas 09/11/2009 10:24

    You think her arms are beat up – you should see her vagina!

  4. pepper 09/11/2009 10:27

    would anyone miss this rice paddy?

  5. Watt 09/11/2009 10:28

    Someone throw water on Gizmo.

  6. Big Smelly Dirt Cock 09/11/2009 10:28

    She looks like shit. He should have worked her face over a little, might have been an improvement.

  7. dirtydiane 09/11/2009 10:29

    ok, the “burn my willage” comment made me laugh right out loud. but only because i’m half-retarded today.

    but screw this gizmo bitch. she can’t even pick a team and stick with it…

    hi, z.

  8. TheOverrated 09/11/2009 10:30

    she needs to stop her blood clot crying…gollum and her look alike but he was way tougher
    http://theoverrated.com/

  9. greenbeard 09/11/2009 10:32

    Look, this is not the happy ending that I ordered

  10. Faker Zombie 09/11/2009 10:33

    I can’t take this place anymore. I try. But everytime I log in it’s celebrity gossip and bikinis. BALRGELFLABBLEFUCK.

  11. Faker Zombie 09/11/2009 10:34

    Oh, hi DD.

  12. dirtydiane 09/11/2009 10:35

    So, you’re gonna jump ship and go to Peniz Hilton too?

    *pops kitchen towel on Z’s hiney and runs away fast*

  13. Faker Zombie 09/11/2009 10:38

    If you ever see me on that site you can shove my balls in a meat grinder and turn the handle slowly.

    *runs after DD with an even bigger towel and a tube of ky*

  14. entropissed 09/11/2009 10:38

    I read on the internet that if you shake Furbies really hard they shut the fuck up. Merriman must’ve read the same article.

  15. pepper 09/11/2009 10:41

    is KY really nessasary?

  16. pepper 09/11/2009 10:41

    is KY really nessasary?

  17. Watt 09/11/2009 10:41

    We want tits?

  18. Tom Foolery 09/11/2009 10:42

    Hate this chick, at least it doesn’t affect the Chargers game on Monday when the raiders get curb stomped. Morning kids

  19. DB's Treasure 09/11/2009 10:42

    I have worse bruising on my forearms and biceps from wrestling my buddy’s 100 pound dog. Her bruises aint shit. She coulda been standing on one foot while washing the other in the shower, slipped and stuck out her arm and hit the tile. I don’t believe a word of her bullshit.

  20. Faker Zombie 09/11/2009 10:43

    The ky is for her strap on… not for me.

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