afternoon headlines

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN – Over 2000 people, people with no connection to each other, from different parts of the world, all claim to have seen this man in their dreams. I would have posted this sooner, but I was hiding under my desk in a puddle of urine and jabbing espresso into my heart. (thisman.org)

LINDSAY LOHAN – has to appear in court tomorrow because she’s apparently failing the alcohol education course she is ordered to attend as part of her probation. I could barely catch my breath when I heard the news, on account of being so surprised. (tmz)

LEONA LEWIS – was punched in the face yesterday, and today the 29yo man who did it has been charged with assault and placed in a mental-health ward. Hopefully one with pretty dresses, because Leona walked away from the incident. He couldn’t even punch out an unsuspecting woman. I would jam a bottle in my ass and break it off right now if I were him, because he’s gonna get annihilated once he gets to prison. (people)

JOHN AND KATE PLUS 8 – will go off the air in November because Jon Gosselin threw a hissy fit last month after TLC decided to film the show without him. This guy is a PR genius. He get’s more likable every day. (radar)

KATIE PRICE – If there’s something better than big tits, I am not aware of it. (hq jump. source = fame and inf daily)