monday afternoon headlines

DAVID LETTERMAN – is denying a report in the Enquirer that his wife has thrown him out of the house as a result of the affairs he admitted to last month. If she does try to kick him out, he should give her a book about Scott Peterson.  Remind her what’s up. (wonderwall)

NICOLE RICHIE – is married to Joel Madden, and has been for some time although no one knew it until today. Probably because no one gives a shit. (radar)

GIRLS KISSING – will never ever get old. At least until I die, and even then it will depend on where their hands are and if they’re using tongue or not. (college humor)

JANET JACKSON – holds Dr. Conrad Murray responsible for her brothers death because Murray gave Michael a powerful anesthetic shortly before he died. In an interview that will air Wednesday, she also says she thinks about him everyday. Especially last week when she raped a little boy. (popeater)

ELIZA DUSHKU – is sexy as hell, as you can see in some recent twitter pictures and by the thong she flashed while preparing for a bike ride with bf Rick Fox. He’s 6’7″, btw, and she’s 5’5″, so Eliza must be pretty easily relaxed. I’m 6’5″ and I dated a girl who is 5’3″. During sex she looked like a unicorn.