fuck you ashton kutcher

By brendon December 21, 2009 @ 10:42 AM


Ashton Kutcher dated Brittany Murphy for almost two years, and they never went public with it but they might have even been engaged before breaking up in 2003, so when the shocking news of her untimely death broke yesterday, he composed himself long enough to write a touching eulogy, in 140 characters or less.

“2day the world lost a little piece of sunshine. My deepest condolences go out 2 Brittany’s family, her husband, & her amazing mother Sharon.”

Don’t dry your tears yet because then he added…

“see you on the other side kid.”

Wow. What a jackass. He turns 32 in just about a month, but he still writes with numbers, just like the young people do. And by “young people” I mean, “12-year-olds.” You’d think he’d be a little kinder. In a month Brittany will be nothing but a skeleton with loose wrinkled skin, and since he’s married to one of those already, I thought that’s what he liked.

(45) Comments

  1. avatar
    Tree Rollins 12/21/2009 10:44

    He needs to be next

  2. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 12/21/2009 10:49

    YES!!!! YES!!!! FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A RETURN OF THE OLD TYLER !!!!!!!!!!!!!! this was mean, straight to the point, and filled with straight up truth. We need more of these posts. We need more of the old tyler that used to post shit like this on the regular. Oh man, what a Christmas miracle!!!!!!

    Ashton Kutcher is a complete asshole. I hope he dies next.

  3. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 12/21/2009 10:53

    does hollywood make you a moronic asshole, or do you head to hollywood to become famous because you are already a moronic asshole?

    which came first, the moronic hollywood asshole, or hollywood?

  4. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 12/21/2009 10:57

    ok 2 pics of him back to back is a little much though.

  5. avatar
    RemSteale 12/21/2009 10:59

    Note the part about her amazing mother Sharon. Demi better watch out…

  6. avatar
    whatizdat 12/21/2009 11:03

    Maybe one of his stupid fucking Nikon’s will explode a battery in his face!

  7. avatar
    Bella 12/21/2009 11:14

    Awww….poor widdle Ashton must really has the sads to take the time out of his busy schedule of being a retarded tool to tweet such a deep and heartfelt message….

    Expressing sympathy by Twitter is the new dumping by text…….

  8. avatar
    Watt 12/21/2009 11:19

    Twitter is amazing! I can finally find out all the moronic thoughts of celebrities 140 characters at a time!

  9. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 12/21/2009 11:21

    If Dana White had any brains in that shaven dome of his, he’d start issuing fight challenges to hollywood tools. His bag full of meathead mma fighters draped in affliction and tapout gear vs hollywood metro types would be nothing short of modern gladiator events. I would pay lots of money to watch that monkey Rampage jackson kick ashton in the kidneys till he spit up blood.

  10. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 12/21/2009 11:24

    twitter is fucking retarded.

    Congressmen using twitter is fucking retarded.

    Media outlets using twitter to attempt to express any kind of news in 140 characters while abbreviating it all to hell so no one understands what the fuck you are trying to express in the first place, is….fucking retarded.

  11. avatar
    Watt 12/21/2009 11:25

    They also do it for breaking news!

  12. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 12/21/2009 11:29

    Breaking news, JUNKIES DIE!

  13. avatar
    BALLSY 12/21/2009 11:32

    H3r01n k1lls

    Heroin kills

  14. avatar
    Watt 12/21/2009 11:33

    I hate IT guys so much

    Including you Rem.

  15. avatar
    BALLSY 12/21/2009 11:33

    twitter is for twats!

  16. avatar
    Admiral 12/21/2009 11:34

    You know what, I hate Twitter, it limits the human mind and its ability to exceed a few sentences at a time. That shit is dumb.

    But, Ashton Kutcher has like how many millions of twitter fans — he had so say SOMETHING. Anything he said he would have looked like a douchebag, because that’s all that twitter allows. When you can’t speak you mind in coherent sentences you just come off as being a dick.

    He should have seen this coming though — twitter is not real communication. It’s silly-fun. The problem is that people take it seriously.

  17. avatar
    Slaappy 12/21/2009 11:34

    Too bad, I always wanted to fuck her in the ass and take a picture of those Bug Eyes

  18. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 12/21/2009 11:35

    I am 2 sad to b snarky (4 several minutes)

    An please, Hollywood is becoming the new West Virginia, they fuck and/or marry each other and the gene pool shrinks until someday you’ll end up with a “Hollywood super race” of nothing but Michael Moores.

  19. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 12/21/2009 11:36

    Twitter satisfies the egotistical need for people to feel important and to make them feel that people actually give a fuck about what you say. It’s prefect for attention whores like Tilla Tiquilla who just want to feel like they are special or important, when in reality, they are completely worthless.

  20. avatar
    Watt 12/21/2009 11:36

    But but… Senators twitter! Or someone does it for them

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