tuesday morning headlines

LINDSAY LOHAN – is 23, and Roberto Cavalli is 69. Good luck trying to figure out which one to feel sorry for. (wenn)

JAY LENO – is planning a week of shows in New York City, to beat Letterman “on his home turf”. Leno will be great there. I bet he’ll have some real zingers about how the Knicks aren’t very good at basketball. This guy doesn’t care whose toes he steps on. (pop eater)

DARYL HANNAH – is naked in her new movie, and the Sun has a few pictures. She might have the best naked body of any 50 year old I’ve ever seen, and I base that on comparisons to absolutely nothing. Or did you think this was some kind of geriatric lust website. (the sun)

SIMON MONJACK – is SOL because Brittany Murphy left him out of her will. I went one year into the future to question him about this, but he was too busy asking a cat if it was gonna finish that Meow Mix. (us.com)

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT – somehow pulled a super tight dress over her fat hips last night. If you don’t feel like clicking the link, just imagine what it looks like right after a python swallows a pig. (daily mail)