oh stfu esquire

By brendon April 20, 2010 @ 5:34 PM


Esquire magazine has come out with their ‘Women We Love’ issue, with fatty Christina Hendricks on the cover as the ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’, and at one point they have a 75 Greatest Women Of All Time list. For Karen Allen (yes, Karen Allen), they write

Animal House! Raiders of the Lost Ark! Our nine- and twenty-two-year-old selves just fell in love all over again.

‘Raiders’ came out in 1981. So the person writing this is 51 years old. It’s no wonder this magazine is so cool and hip. This list, composed mostly of the writer naming strange women he’d like to fuck, couldn’t be any creeepier unless it was called 75 Women Whose Hair I’d Like to Stroke Before I Eat Them Because They’re All Godless Whores.

(233) Comments

  1. avatar
    Dean Wormer 04/20/2010 19:10

    Ob’s, I would fuck her out of her freedom.

  2. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 20:16

    What about Phoebe Cates? Does anyone remember her? She was cute and relevant-..ish.

  3. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 20:33

    who is that?

  4. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 20:40

    Look her up, you know her. Fast Times AT Ridgemont High? The girl in the pool?She was in a lot of shitty 80′s movies where she was really almost 30 but playing naked 16 year olds. She now owns some holistic beauty store in New York and married Kevin Kline the director.

  5. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 20:46

    ooooooh I will never forget the scene from Fast Times!

  6. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 20:49

    Few men do. The rather fucked up reason I will never forget is I watched the movie many a time with my father who was probably trying to control his erection. Perhaps I’m the real redneck?

  7. avatar
    The Irreverent Tony Stark 04/20/2010 20:50

    I don’t think I have seen that movie.

  8. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 20:52

    ha ha to steff and Tony check it out asap

  9. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 20:56

    Man, that channel TBS used to play a censored version of that and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off every fucking weekend. I believe the channel is called “Peach Tree TV ” now.

  10. avatar
    Blicero 04/20/2010 21:00

    Dude, get the dick out of your ass. Christina Hendricks could cut my penis off is she promised to sit on it later. You get a boner over Kate Bosworth high school boy track runner’s body, but not a chick with actual tits and ass?

  11. avatar
    longdx 04/20/2010 21:16

    Sorry, But me likey Christina Hendricks

  12. avatar
    duckbutter 04/20/2010 21:18

    How is it possible it’s 4/20 and it’s the one gd day I don’t have ANY damn weed? Fuck this!

  13. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 21:20

    A sad day for you, mon ami.
    You should have weed to celebrate the national herb holiday, along with the few that celebrate the dastardly occasions of Hitler’s Birthday and Columbine shootings. A toke to April 20th if you can!

  14. avatar
    kirtokos 04/20/2010 21:26

    If this article is Tyler’s way of coming out to his parents, then I gotta give him props. Just subtle enough without leaving a shred of doubt.

    Well played sir!

  15. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 21:27

    Phoebe Cates was only hot when she was 15. I met her. She was friends with a bunch of girls I new. They all went to the School of Performing Arts…She was Hot but as boring as I am….
    Morning Class!!
    What list are you people talking about?

  16. avatar
    pepper 04/20/2010 21:28

    duckbutter..From the way you look, I’d say…”you don’t need any weed”

  17. avatar
    Mony Vibescu 04/20/2010 21:38

    Her hair is a fraud. The milk of her breasts is the hillock upon which a casket is slung…

  18. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 21:38

    He needs weed. He also needs my patented shroom tea because that is what you do when you dont have to work tomorrow. Maybe some smack too. Hell, it’s a party.

  19. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/20/2010 21:40

    My hair is a fraud too. I dont think this shade of magenta occurs within nature. Pep, werent you syupposed to show me your junk?

  20. avatar
    Rokan 04/20/2010 21:42


    You’re the only one who makes any sense around here. How’s the shagging going in Leeds?

    Any nice women to bugger?

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