tyra is writing books now

May 12, 2010 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

Tyra Banks is a barely functioning retard who can’t string 10 words together and have them be related in any way, but she has amazing tits so everyone puts up with her. Needless to say this makes her an ideal choice to write a series of fantasy books.

The series will follow a teenager who gets into an exclusive modeling academy for “Intoxibellas”. Who are they? Exactly who you thought they were. Models with special powers. Tyra says,

“It’s my novel called Modelland (pronounced “Model Land”) that takes you to a fantastical place you’ve never seen, or heard about, or read about before… Where dreams come true and life can change in the blink of a smoky eye.”

First of all, the fact that this cunt paused to explain that “modelland” is pronounced “model land” is enraging. Of course it’s pronounced “model land”. There’s literally no other way for the words “model” and “land” to be pronounced, regardless of whether or not the person who wrote it had a fucking space bar that worked.

It’s a land of models, and this dimwitted bitch named it “model land”. It would be like if Harry Potter went to “Magicschool”. JK Rowling would go through French gardening books and Greek mythology to find interesting names. “Dumbledore” is an old word for “bumblebee”, for example. Like the books or not, at least Rowling wanted to be creative. But fuck that. Why bother? Just type what something is. That’s just as good. If Tyra wrote Star Wars, “MainCharacter” would fight “HalfRobotMan”. Oohh, weeeee, I’m being whisked away into a world of imagination.

But really that’s a minor point. Because yes. Yes we have seen a place like this before. There are literally dozens of books exactly like it. ?

“Hey kid, you’re magic.”
“Who me? Oh no sir, there must be a mistake. I’m ordinary.”

200 pages later.

“Hooray! Though I am small and was over matched by a vastly superior foe, my magic has saved the day!”

Thank god no one in this country can read anymore.

Tags: tyra banks

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