Mike Meyers secretly married his girlfriend. Wait, “girl”?

Mike Meyers (seen here doing a cutesy little thing with his leg while kissing an unidentified man. A man who might be considered a “bear” in certain circles, who then mounts Meyers from behind) has been the subject of many gay rumors over the years.

Many many many many gay rumors. And with good reason.

Meyers and Kal Penn are probably the two biggest stars who are gay (allegedly) but that no one really talks about. In 2008 Gawker even said Meyers “has been out and proud in Toronto for years” after a blind item in the New York Daily News seemingly referred to him.

Very obviously this Page Six story is surprising to say the least.

Mike Myers has secretly married his longtime girlfriend, Kelly Tisdale, in a private ceremony five months ago.
Meyers, 47, and the 30-something Tisdale began dating in 2006, shortly after Myers split from his first wife, comedy writer and actress Robin Ruzan, after a 12-year marriage.

This still seems weird. Mike Meyers is flaming. Even guys at Pride Week would tell him to butch it up a little. If Kelly Tisdale is a girl, I want to see her vagina, and if it’s there I want to see how much scarring it has around it.