Did Kirstie Alley win Dancing With The Stars?

By brendon May 25, 2011 @ 3:24 PM

I didn’t want to ruin the surprise in the headline but last night was the finale for the twelfth season of ‘Dancing With The Stars’, and in the end, it came down to Kirstie Alley, a morbidly obese lump in her 60’s, and Hines Ward, the wide receiver from the Pittsburgh Steelers, one of the best pure athletes to ever play college football, a Super Bowl MVP and two-time Super Bowl champion.

Both had obstacles to overcome. Hines has been dealing with torn ligaments in his left thumb. Kirstie can’t leave the house for extended periods because standard toilets are too small and too flimsy.

But there could be only one winner.


Surprisingly enough, Hines Ward, the person who earns millions of dollars for his supreme, world class athletic ability, was a better dancer than this. An old lady who can’t dance by any reasonable definition. All she does is walk around the room at a normal pace, but while lifting her feet slightly higher than usual. It’s like watching someone walk on hot sand set to music.

(22) Comments

  1. avatar
    ohmwrecker 05/25/2011 15:31

    You fail to mention that she advanced to the finals by eating a couple of he competitors.

  2. avatar
    ohmwrecker 05/25/2011 15:31

    the . . . First!

  3. avatar
    Joust 05/25/2011 15:35

    wtf is an ohm?

  4. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 05/25/2011 15:44


  5. avatar
    mikey the retard 05/25/2011 15:47

    mr joust paid me sixx dollers to let him cloths pinn my peewhol shut

  6. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 05/25/2011 15:47

    The order of the universe as determined by Dancing with the Stars.

    Football > Scientology > Disney

  7. avatar
    The Fried Man 05/25/2011 15:50

    I bet Sam Malone is glad he didn’t end up with that lard ass.

  8. avatar
    The Fried Man 05/25/2011 15:51

    And the ohm (symbol: Ω) is the SI unit of electrical resistance, named after Georg Simon Ohm.

  9. avatar
    Dr Poop 05/25/2011 15:54

    I know her gynecologist and he claims her pussy is as big as a manhole cover.
    Medically speaking, that kind of opening in a body cavity would create a tremendous amount of drag.
    Not to mention and audible whistle during her cha-cha routine.

    The deck was clearly stacked against her.

  10. avatar
    Tom Foolery 05/25/2011 15:58

    I can honestly say I’ve never seen this show …..afteernoon slime

  11. avatar
    rokan 05/25/2011 16:02

    I thought I heard a strange moan coming from her dress, like a banshee.

    Sup, Tom?

  12. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 05/25/2011 16:14

    Dr Poop, don’t you mean the deck was clearly supported underneath her?

  13. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 05/25/2011 16:15

    Rokan, she harbors a family of midgets under her dress and in return they perform “services” for her.

  14. avatar
    Observer 05/25/2011 16:15

    Tom Foolery….????

    …Wow…..Rokan’s really cleaning out his credenza……

  15. avatar
    Tom Foolery 05/25/2011 16:17

    Same old Rok….avoiding crazy east coast weather and hopefully you didn’t get jacked. What’s new here …place is lively

  16. avatar
    Tom Foolery 05/25/2011 16:19

    First time in awhile obs ….place shut down the comments for awhile. How you sluts doing?

  17. avatar
    Observer 05/25/2011 16:21

    I wish Kirstie had won the competition……..

    ….I was hoping Playboy would make her an offer to appear in their issue:

    “The Girls of Jenny Craig”

  18. avatar
    Observer 05/25/2011 16:23

    ….the flunked out edition…..

  19. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 05/25/2011 16:23

    That would have to be a double issue.

  20. avatar
    rokan 05/25/2011 16:50

    The comments were shut down?

    Jesus, why didn’t someone tell me?!

You must be to post a comment.