Friday headlines, with female empowerment

By brendon June 24, 2011 @ 3:14 PM


KATY PERRY – will tie Michael Jacksons record if her 5th single off ‘Teenage Dream’ goes to number 1 like the other 4 have. And also if she gets two dozen little boys drunk and blows them. (mtv)

CARS 2 – is the worst reviewed Pixar movie ever, and not coincidentally they’ve now unveiled the characters for ‘Brave’, their first movie with a female protagonist. So I guess it’s about girl problems, like when there are no tampons in the ladies room. (joblo)

THE SUPERMAN REBOOT – will have Julia Ormond joining Russell Crowe as Supermans parents on Krypton before it explodes. Because this will tell the Superman origin story. Yet again. Otherwise no one would know what was going on. “There’s a new director now, so naturally I assumed the character would be completely different,” audiences will no doubt say to one another. “By showing me what I already know and saw in two other movies, I’m now reassured that Superman is still exactly the same as always. And it was great. I enjoy watching the same story over and over and over again. I’m like a fucking toddler.” (deadline)

MEN IN BLACK 3 – will cost $215 million, mostly because Will Smith is a pain in the ass. (the wrap)

JERSEY SHORE – will have an all new cast next year. Either that or they won’t, because MTV is denying these reports. As if they could ever find 8 more drunk Italians in New Jersey. (hollywood reporter)

PETER FALK – died “peacefully at his Beverly Hills home” last night at the age of 83, according to his family. But maybe their story comes unraveled if the detective says there’s “Just one more thing…” right before leaving. It can’t hurt to try. (ew)

PAZ DE LA HUERTA – walked around NYC on the phone. Presumably with someone asking what her tits felt like. (inf)

(15) Comments

  1. avatar
    Observer 06/24/2011 15:23

    Fucking funny post commentary….

  2. avatar
    i hate you 06/24/2011 15:50

    can anyone in hollywood write a new story? what the fuck.

  3. avatar
    Mac-Daddy 06/24/2011 15:51

    Peter Falk will be missed!

    The In-Laws
    Murder by Death (funny fkn movie)
    The Princess Bride

    Some of my faves!

  4. avatar
    thisistooreal 06/24/2011 15:54

    is Paz as ugly to everyone else as she is to me?

  5. avatar
    Observer 06/24/2011 15:54

    He was great in “The Vig”…..

  6. avatar
    Observer 06/24/2011 15:57


    ….she’s no Victoria Justice…….but I’d throw a fuck in Paz ……but I’m generous that way…….

  7. avatar
    Observer 06/24/2011 16:00

    I wish Hollywood would remake a lot more movies…..

    …..start with Casablanca……only this time….make it a bit interesting……and have something happen with the action and all……

  8. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 06/24/2011 16:11

    They should remake Casablanca.. but instead of Germans they should be space aliens and Rick should be played by Tom Cruise and Isla could be played by John Travolta and they could be lesbian lovers. and Sam could be played by Will Smiff in black face…
    And Quentin Tarantino would direct.

  9. avatar
    SCUM 06/24/2011 16:13

    I would come on her so much my penis would be a Paz dispenser.

  10. avatar
    rokan 06/24/2011 16:17


    You have a winner there, but you need the past of Victor Laszlo to be played by Andy Dick

  11. avatar
    rokan 06/24/2011 16:21


    Fucking fuck!!!!

    Can we get back to talking about what this cunt’s clam smells like?

  12. avatar
    Observer 06/24/2011 16:22


    …you should be assisting with the writing over at Film Drunk…..

    …or at LEAST….Sony Pictures……

  13. avatar
    Observer 06/24/2011 16:24

    ….is that Pepper following behind Paz de La Huerta…..?

    ….you don’t think he’d hurt her….do you….?

  14. avatar
    mercury 06/27/2011 10:04

    “thisistooreal 06/24/2011 15:54

    is Paz as ugly to everyone else as she is to me?”

    Glad to know it’s not just me.

  15. avatar
    killamall 06/27/2011 13:20

    Probably the ugliest woman alive.

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