Brett Ratner masturbates with shrimp

By brendon November 04, 2011 @ 12:53 PM

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You know how you’ll hear Hollywood stories about skeezy directors who use their status to get young girls to sleep with them? Well for the last 10 years most of those stories have been about Brett Ratner (this tub of shit), who somehow still gets jobs (like producing this years Oscar telecast) despite the fact the he’s never made a movie that was anything but awful.

For example:

In Olivia Munn’s memoir, “Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek,” the far-too-intimate details of a short relationship with a bigwig Hollywood director are amongst many tales she recalled from her early days in Hollywood. Details such as seeing, “a grown man in an oversized shirt holding his undersized manhood in hands glistening with shrimp fat.”
On Thursday, Ratner came clean, saying that he was that bigwig director, but denied ever having such glistening, self-pleasuring hands.
“I used to date Olivia Munn, I’ll be honest with everyone here. But when she was ‘Lisa.’ She wasn’t Asian back then,” he said. “She was hanging out on my set of ‘After the Sunset,’ I banged her a few times, but I forgot her. Because she changed her name. I didn’t know it was the same person and so when she auditioned for me for a TV show, I forgot her, she got pissed off, and so she made up all these stories about me eating shrimp and masturbating in my trailer. And she talked about my shortcomings.”

To be honest the only issue I have here is that his movies suck and he doesn’t deserve to nail hot young girls. If this were Scorsese, he could fist a girl while holding a conch shell for all I care.

(image source of Munn on the set of ‘Magic Mike’ = inf)

wwtdd

(4) Comments

  1. Admiral 11/04/2011 12:57

    Olivia Munn is a dickhead, anyway. I’m sure she deserved whatever she got.

  2. UoyKcuf 11/04/2011 12:57

    Why is this such a big deal, i never remember the names of bitches i sleep with.

  3. i hate you 11/04/2011 13:03

    if she wanted me to masturbate with shrimp for her, i would gladly do it. whatever you’re into honey, but she better swallow.

  4. psf 11/04/2011 13:06

    yeah, originally i was like, fuck that fat fuck, but now i’m like, she’s a fucking whore just like all the rest of them. i have issues.

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