gunman kills 13, injures 38 at ‘Dark Knight Rises’ premiere

By brendon July 20, 2012 @ 12:02 PM

Because he’s an asshole, a 24-year-old named James Holmes sat up in the front row during the premiere of ‘the Dark Knight Rises’ in Aurora, Colorado, this morning at around 12:30am, put on a gas mask, dropped a canister of tear gas, then opened fire on the audience with an “AK-47 type” rifle, a shotgun and two handguns. 71 people were shot in all. One victim was just 6 years old. Another, reportedly shot at point blank range, was 3 months old.

Holmes is white, not Indian as was reported this morning around 3:30am. He’s from San Diego but was in med school at the University of Colorado before dropping out last month. Explosives that he had “elaborately” rigged throughout his apartment, a complex used exclusively by UC Medical Center students, patients, and staff, could have killed dozens more, but police evacuated the buildings and are now trying to disarm them.

Other than that, the only good news is that early reports had 14 fatalities and at least 50 injured. That count has dropped to 13 and 38, and 37 of those 38 said this was still better than when they saw ‘Prometheus’. “That movie made no fucking sense whatsoever,” one lady told police.

Sorry about that. I’m way out of my element here. Other jokes in the cue were, “and I thought it was rude to start texting during a movie” and “it wouldn’t have been so bad if he had done this to the audience at ‘Meet the Spartans’ or ‘Epic Movie’, because they would deserve it.”

Again, I apologize. I have no idea what to say here. I normally just post pictures of tits. Like, here, look, it’s Kaitlyn Leeb, the prostitute with 3 boobs from the new ‘Total Recall’. Yaay tits!

(20) Comments

  1. avatar
    Mr. Bones 07/20/2012 12:19

    Hey douche, have a little tact with this one. Why not actually post something sincere instead of your blubbering idiocy you usually post.

  2. avatar
    streetshmeetIMhot 07/20/2012 12:19

    You’re cold man. Funny, but cold.

  3. avatar
    Mr. Bones 07/20/2012 12:21

    No, he’s not even that funny, which makes this even more sad.

  4. avatar
    harleydavidson 07/20/2012 12:37

    i would motorboat her without hesitation.

  5. avatar
    Honkey Dong 07/20/2012 12:37

    That chick with three tits is awesome!

  6. avatar
    harleydavidson 07/20/2012 12:43

    i would definitely bang her.

  7. avatar
    ReelBigMike 07/20/2012 12:48

    Don’t listen to any of the idiots complaining about making jokes. They were funny and it has zero effect on what happened. Stop being so overly sensitive.

  8. avatar
    minimosh 07/20/2012 13:06

    Who the fuck brings a 3 month old to a midnight showing of Dark Night Rises?! If you don’t have a babysitter, STAY THE FUCK HOME.

  9. avatar
    Tipped 07/20/2012 13:17

    Some of the prick lickers that comment here are fucking assholes!!! This is funny and people should be use to the crude but awesome humor on this site. Jokes are jokes…fucking relax!

  10. avatar
    Mr. Bones 07/20/2012 13:40

    Until it happens to you, your kid, or your wife you big dummy.

  11. avatar
    Thus Blogged Anderson 07/20/2012 14:46

    “Until it happens to you, your kid, or your wife you big dummy.”

    Right. Because as soon as possible after my loved ones are shot or killed in a massacre, I’m going to log in to WWTDD? and see what he’s saying about it. Gotta move on, after all. Can’t let the terrorists win!

  12. avatar
    harleydavidson 07/20/2012 16:16

    take your butt hurt whiny ass somewhere else. none of us give a fuck.

  13. avatar
    Mr. Bones 07/20/2012 16:56

    “Right. Because as soon as possible after my loved ones are shot or killed in a massacre, I’m going to log in to WWTDD? and see what he’s saying about it. Gotta move on, after all. Can’t let the terrorists win!”

    You have the reading comprehension of a 12 year old.

    Br@ndon, or whoever wrote this article- be a productive, contributing member of society, not a piece of shit blogger on articles you post that actually matter and have real world consequences.

    Also, if you are “way out of your depth,” then post the facts and don’t add awful commentary. Your blabbering idiotic commentary on this one is even worse than it normally is.

  14. avatar
    Pomattovich 07/20/2012 16:56

    My inappropriate joke: “Too bad this didn’t happen next week at Ben Stiller’s The Watch. Then this guy would be a national hero.” Seriously though, this is an incredibly fucked up situation. This movie was already dark and violent and though I liked it, it’s not what I would quite call fun. This event is likely to cast a shadow over the film for many years, maybe forever.

  15. avatar
    Tipped 07/20/2012 17:12

    I’m so sick of comedians having to apologize because someone got offended by their JOKE.

    It’s a blog, it’s not your blog, you don’t like it fuck off

  16. avatar
    Mr. Bones 07/20/2012 17:13

    He’s not a comedian.

  17. avatar
    poxxboxx 07/20/2012 17:22

    Some men just want to watch the world burn.

  18. avatar
    Thus Blogged Anderson 07/20/2012 17:41

    “You have the reading comprehension of a 12 year old.”

    And I’m finding it more than adequate to keep up with your comments, while reading The Hardy Boys with one hand and a Spider-Man comic book with the other.

    It’s a big internet — go find a tits-and-pussy-flash blog better suited to your sensitive, empathetic nature.

  19. avatar
    Mr. Bones 07/20/2012 20:28

    And Br@ndon should stick to the tits and pussy in all of his 3 posts a day- 4 days week.

  20. avatar
    Blerble 07/21/2012 00:13

    For fucks sake, who didn’t think he was going to crack jokes? That’s why I come to this site, I know he’s going to say that off color shit pop culture and related stories. If I wanted to listen to a bunch of blowhards pretend they cared about the tragedy I’d turn on CNN.

    Anyone who is complaining about this really needs to get over themselves, stop being so self righteous and chill out.

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