Matt Bomer is too gay for ’50 Shades of Grey’

By brendon August 09, 2012 @ 10:18 AM

matt_bomer_magic_mike_premiere

Matt Bomer is mostly famous for starring in the show ‘White Collar’ and for being really, really, ridiculously good looking. Also for being gay, which makes him unqualified to star in ’50 Shades of Grey’ according to Bret Easton Ellis on twitter last night. And if anyone knows about smart casting, it’s a guy who just hired Lindsay Lohan.

- “Okay I’ll say it. Matt Bomer isn’t right for Christian Grey because he is openly gay. He’s great for other roles but this is too big a game.”
- “I think Matt Bomer is incredibly handsome and a good actor but I think he comes off totally gay in White Collar. And that is why no to CG.”
- “I am NOT discriminating Matt Bomer because of his sexuality. Fifty Shades of Grey demands an actor that is genuinely into women. Get it?!?”

First of all, fuck Bret Easton Ellis. He thinks he’s Chuck Palahniuk (also gay by the way) or Don DeLillo but he’s not. Fuck him.

Second of all, I don’t know a thing about ’50 Shades of Grey’, but whoever wrote it’s wikipedia page presumably read it, and they say that Christian Greys mom is surprised to see him with a girl because…

(She) previously thought Grey was homosexual because she had never seen him with a woman.

Charming, handsome, and possibly gay. Clearly Matt Bomer is all wrong.

Grey later (reveals) that he lost his virginity at fifteen to one of his mother’s friends and that his previous dominant/submissive relationships failed due to incompatibility.

Well they already make movies like that. It’s a website called MILFs Like It Big. It is not romantic, and housewives do not like it. They don’t watch it at the beach or meet their friends at Starbucks to talk about it.

Christian Grey almost has to be played by a gay guy. There’s tons of talking and coquettish flirting and thoughtful gifts and asking the girl about bondage limits and safe words. I’m straight and I don’t do any of that. The bondage limits are “I get to do anything I want to you but stay away from me” and the safe words are “get off me jackass I can’t breathe”.

(image source = getty)

wwtdd

(10) Comments

  1. avatar
    Mr. Poop 08/09/2012 10:20

    I think this site alone has proved that there is no such thing as being “too gay.”

    Right P epper?

  2. avatar
    Mac-Daddy 08/09/2012 11:20

    Never heard of this guy, or White Collar for that matter! Is that some kind of Catholic Priest TV show?

    My wife read 50 Shades of Grey and said it was boring as hell.

    “Prude, uppity old Soccer Mom’s love it because…OMG they would just NEVER want to be tied up and flogged or fucked in all her orifices and used as a sex slave because that is just Filthy!

    90% of the younger generation of women in this world have alraedy done that, and this book is just lame porn to them.” (so says the wife)

  3. avatar
    Honkey Dong 08/09/2012 11:35

    I’ve never heard of Matt Boner, but then I don’t hang around in the Blue Oyster Bar.

  4. avatar
    Kanye is an ass 08/09/2012 12:07

    Fifty Shades of Gay!

  5. avatar
    bbranimal 08/09/2012 14:09

    First, Ellis didn’t hire Lohan. He’s just the writer. 2nd, Ellis was famous long before Palahniuk ever started writing. I’m pretty sure, Ellis is an influence of Palahniuk’s.

  6. avatar
    harleydavidson 08/09/2012 14:38

    i dont give a shit about 50 shades of gray
    i dont give a shit about this pillow biter.
    i dont give a shit so tits or gtfo

  7. avatar
    sirlongfarts 08/09/2012 14:48

    I’m a bored ass housewife and I still don’t give a shit about this book. Like all distinguished young ladies of the time I was reading bondage porn in mags I’d steal from my Dad when I was 12. I did however hear Tom Hardy is up for the role in the film which could change the shit outta my interest level on this one…

  8. avatar
    Admiral 08/09/2012 16:13

    Seems like a pretty gay role. Maybe he should get it.

  9. avatar
    Jeff Feagles 08/09/2012 16:55

    I normally agree with most shit on this site but if they don’t think this guy is right for the role then why the fuck should we care. Is Michael Clarke Duncan to big and black for the role? fuck yes. Should we hire him? Fuck no. So why hire the gay guy? Because he’s gay? So we have to be nice to him and give him the role that doesnt fit?

    Also Brett Easton Ellis has been writing a long time before Chuck P (im not looking up proper spelling) so Chuck probably has been influenced by him.

  10. avatar
    aquanetta jones 08/09/2012 17:46

    What Would Tyler Durden Do? Not post stupid shit like this is one thing.

    That guy Sure has a purty mouth

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