On Sunday, a 30-year old adult male who calls himself Mr. Eyelidz is going to be crucified on live television, thanks to the fine folks at BattleCam.com and KILM television in Los Angeles. Eyelidz (or Robert Garrison as his parents once called him before giving up) is a sado-masochist, so he is going to enjoy having 12-inch iron nails hammered into his hands and feet before being left to hang on a giant wooden cross for seven hours. But it’s all in the name of Easter, according to liars.
Behind it all is billionaire Alki David, who owns both BattleCam and FilmOn, which runs KILM, and with all that cash, he’s certainly no stranger to PR stunts. For example, he’s launching a $100 million ad campaign to promote FilmOn as a brand new “free” TV streaming service, so what better way to kick start that campaign than with a man potentially killing himself live on a religious holiday?
Of course, not everyone is excited about this actual public crucifixion, especially David Phelps, the son of human trash fire and Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps. Because he’ll talk to anyone with a camera, David met up with some guy in an RV to remind everyone that “God hates fags” before a naked 500-pound man named Billy the Fridge emerged from the bathroom and tried to attack him.
It’s basically what Rush Limbaugh’s wife calls “Tuesday”.
Update: Apparently “David Phelps” is an actor named John Lothenore and the real David Phelps remains free of fat man assault. What a shame.