Paris Hilton Almost Done With Musical Abortion

Hold on to your ass hats, Paris Hilton is almost done with her new album. Last month we told you that she had signed Cash Money Records in order to rape our ears with lazy-eyed Banshee shrieks. You might remember Paris Hilton as the obnoxious dirty whore that pioneered the field of being famous for a sex tapes and DUI arrests. She paved the way for the Lindsays and Kim Kardashians we enjoy today. Who exactly told Paris that the world was clamoring for an album is beyond me. Probably Satan’s younger teen sister. Paris said of the upcoming album:

“I’m in the studio and almost finished with the album…I’m so excited. I think they’ve created an amazing brand. Lil Wayne and some other surprise guests will be on the album, and it’s going to be so sick. It’s an electropop album with some dance-y songs.”

Is Lil Wayne that hard up for money that he needs to be featured on a Paris Hilton album? Why not just go donate blood? Oh, yeah, hep. This isn’t Paris’ first foray into music. Back when she was semi-relevant in 2006 she released an abomination called Paris on Heiress Records. If you ever decide that you want to kill yourself but are afraid you’ll chicken out at the last minute, just put on Paris.