First, Obama reached into his deep bag of awesome tricks and sent an airplane full of gay ambassadors to gay parachute onto the anti-gay Russian Olympics. Now Holland just threw the biggest gayest party ever for their openly gay speed skater who won the gold medal in the 3,000 meters. Ireen Wust, the Dutch dyke who ironically has never been fingered by a boy, is one of seven openly gay athletes in Sochi. Not to be confused with the dozens of not openly gay athletes in Sochi known as the male figure skating contingent. Russia sent a circus bear on a motorcycle after Ireen to intercept her before she could inspire a million butchy Russian girls to dive into a big pile of vagina after completing their own olympic vision quests. But Ireen was just too fucking fast on her skates. The bear was berated for his failure and Russia just got a little gayer.