Amped Up White People Need to Stop Climbing Mount Everest

By Lex April 18, 2014 @ 5:33 PM

George Leigh Mallory was the first prep school dick from England to be famous for trying to climb Mount Everest. He’s the guy who when asked in the 1920′s why he wanted to climb the mountain, he said ‘because it’s there’. Then he asked a bunch of rich socialites in New York to give him some cash so he and his Cambridge rowing buddy could go climb Everest. This was after his first expedition where seven Sherpa were killed in an avalanche. Sherpa are the alpine grunts of Nepal who economically depend on rich white tourists coming to climb their big fucking mountain. If they lived in Acapulco, they’d be serving sunburned white people cocktails with umbrellas and providing cocaine and prostitute hookups. But they got stuck in Tibet, so they need to go hang ropes at 25,000 feet and test the trails as human avalanche bait. Now another twelve or more Sherpa have died in an avalanche preparing for Spring climbing season when ambitious dicks with a need to take epic selfies come by the thousands to scale the peak. Twelve is officially the record in one fell swoop, although who knows how many countless Sherpa have died in the past hundred years carrying protein bars and Vitamin water for the adventuresome tourists. At least George Leigh Mallory had the decency to perish on his last climb up the mountain. They found his frozen body seventy years later. None of the North Face clad Western climbers took a scratch from this latest avalanche. It sucks to be born Sherpa.

Photo credit: Getty Images

(8) Comments

  1. avatar
    Admiral 04/18/2014 19:28

    Pfffft, those Sherpas make more money than I do, and they often come from towns where the mayor is simply the person with the most goats, so I don’t feel sorry for them. Well, I do feel sorry for the dude in the picture, and the families – I hate to see people suffer, but the people who died knew the risks and did it anyway.

  2. avatar
    Beylerbey 04/18/2014 20:07

    Yeah, but white people.

  3. avatar
    bujawevu 04/19/2014 00:12

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  4. avatar
    Doctor Mindbender 04/19/2014 07:04

    I’m going to do my part by never climbing Mount Everest. I may walk to the liquor store later, but that’s it.

  5. avatar
    BillyMitchellisaGoldenGod 04/19/2014 08:57

    With white people you get a mixed bag:

    You get the thrill seeking dopes that hate themselves.
    You get the psycho racist/mass/serial killers.
    You get the whiny me first life ain’t fair iphone protesting gen.
    You get the all the money given to any charity in existence.
    You get the WW2 greatest of all time gen (your grandmas and grandpas).
    You get all the inventors, doctors, and scientists.

    You take the good with the bad so to speak.

  6. avatar
    Shortshanks 04/19/2014 16:54

    The phrase “white people” is one of the most overused and least funny tropes in the comedy world….

  7. avatar
    Pincher Martin 04/19/2014 21:39

    I’m just glad to see someone else on the internet standing up against white people because when I think of how many Sherpas would be alive today without antibiotics, indoor plumbing, and the many other despicable necessities of modern life that white people have invented over the years, I just get angry.

  8. Jonny Midnight 04/21/2014 21:47

    So, “Admiral” you make less than $10,000 per year? I highly doubt it, but, even if you do, I’ll bet you don’t have to risk your life, daily, for it. The average Sherpa makes the equivalent of 11 to 12 thousand dollars per year for very risky, and exhausting work.

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