Paul Simon Got Small Time Arrested

Crooning dwarf Paul Simon was arrested over the weekend for disorderly conduct and possibly smacking around his wife Edie Brickell. Your mom’s two favorite soft rock singers got into it in their house in Connecticut. It apparently got so loud that their rich ass neighbors dropped their monocles and called the police on their gold plated rotary phones. It’s unclear whether Simon hit Brickell or if they were hitting each other because both of them were arrested. I don’t imagine Paul Simon can cause much damage. It’s like getting kicked in the shins by a toddler, it’s unpleasant but a kiddy shinburger is not going to incapacitate you. I’ve seen both of them in person and pound for pound Edie could easily beat the dog snot out of Simon. Still, it’s super uncool for even a petite fella to ever strike a woman. Tiny people do get angry a lot. Being successful in music or the performing arts or starting software companies used to be enough for the undersized to feel revenge on the big world. There seem to be an increasing number of violent attacks from those short in stature. I’m not saying it’s time for a profiling and roundup of small men, but in the least we ought to tag them and know their whereabouts at any given time. A very short winter is coming.