Ebola Coming to the U.S.

By Lex August 08, 2014 @ 9:54 AM


The Centers for Disease Control in the U.S. now says that it’s inevitable that the Ebola virus will be spread into the U.S. This seems like a confident assertion given the CDC is flying people spitting Ebola out of their nose and mouths and asses into the U.S. on Southwest flights from West Africa through Kansas City and Midway airports, naturally. You probably thought that Southwest ticket seemed like a bargain. Now you have Ebola and probably seat herpes. Congratulations.

It is certainly possible that we could have ill people in the US who develop Ebola after having been exposed elsewhere. But we are confident that there will not be a large Ebola outbreak in the US  – some CDC guy to Congress

A small outbreak of Ebola does sound like a nothing really. A couple thousand people spitting up their bloody lung bits through their eyeballs ought not cause any type of panic.  We could always quarantine travel to and from the parts of West Africa where the virus is currently dancing in the streets, but that seems like a lot of work and TSA officials already have sore feet. It’s not like everybody’s just sitting on their hands and feet here waiting for the inevitable. Jenny McCarthy has already jumped into action by telling moms that Ebola vaccines will make their kids grow lobster claws out of their foreheads. So if you don’t want lobster claw forehead, don’t get vaccinated.

Photo credit: Getty Images

(1) Comment

  1. avatar
    con 08/08/2014 10:10

    This site still knows how to find new ways to be terrible. The excerpt only says that it is “possible” and that even if it occurred it would not be an outbreak. Far from the stupid headline that makes it sound like it is a certainty. God this site is terrible.

You must be to post a comment.