Hayden Panettiere Is Knowingly Pregnant

By Lex August 26, 2014 @ 8:50 AM

Hayden Panettiere Pregnant And Chesty At The The 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards In Los Angeles
Hayden Panettiere kept her hand dramatically on her womb most of the Emmys night just in case anybody didn’t realize she was pregnant. For the slower witted, Hayden massaged her teats until a milky like silicon colloid oozed from her nipples. The anorexic tanned hostess from E! caught Hayden referring to the baby as ‘her’ then cackled with delight as much as somebody who hasn’t eaten since the Spring of ’07 can cackle. Not exactly a Dan Rather-Richard Nixon moment, but for people who live vicariously through pregnant young Hollywood midgets, it was like the invention of fire. Women like to monitor other women’s pregnancies the way men follow sports teams. If they could, women would wear the jerseys of their pregnant friends inappropriately to formal occasions.The fact that unwed mothers can freely walk the red carpet of award shows side by side with lesbian adoptive parents and transgendered actresses shows exactly how progressive Hollywood truly is. Also, why I no longer masturbate during the Red Carpets until I know exactly who is tucking away a dick or not.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Getty

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(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    Admiral 08/26/2014 09:10

    I wish she was taller. Her face is absolutely perfect, but she’s only like 3’8″.

  2. avatar
    BiebersStrapon 08/26/2014 09:34

    Good job fuńáking up the silicon/silicone dilemma again, Lex.

  3. avatar
    Jiggs Fawning 08/26/2014 13:13

    Imagine the face she will make when that behemoth breeches the birth canal

  4. avatar
    ray panner 08/26/2014 18:02

    Huh. Didn’t know she was pregnant. Thought this is just what happens when she has sex with Wlady

  5. avatar
    Beylerbey 08/27/2014 10:33

    LOL, I think she thinks she’s royalty.

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