Chernobyl Vacations For the Budget Conscious

The Ukrainian government designated Chernobyl as a tourist attraction in an attempt to bring in more foreign dollars to use in their futile fight to keep their best looking teenaged girls from going to work strip clubs in the West. Troves of “nuclear tourists” have flocked to Chernobyl, many seeking an especially morbid experience like finding personal keepsakes left behind in the nuclear fallout evacuation, taking maudlin photos of dusty dolls, and then tributing the photos in the woods when their rented Filipina wives aren’t looking.

The abandoned city features many amenities. Borderline dangerous radiation levels for the next two-thousand or so years, starving wolves, and former Soviet Union war criminals exiled to abandoned buildings who would strangle you for an ounce of non-radiated peanut butter. For the kids, there are the areas many scenic lakes and rivers that won’t necessarily give you skin cancer if you shower in the liquid form of argon within seconds of exposure. There’s plenty of stone ground cornbread and pickled herring to be had and there are never any lines. It already sounds better than Disneyland.

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