Vogue Photoshops Ashley Graham

December 7, 2017 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

The March issue of Vogue purports to represent “all types” of women, meaning several really hot models and also Ashley Graham. The cover declares:  “Women Rule! Fashion’s Fearless Females. No Norm is the New Norm.”  That last part is too nonsensical to be worthy of comment. Also, how do Women Rule! just because they’re on […]

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Gisele Bundchen Rebuffed

May 18, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Gisele Bundchen went on CBS this morning while still drunk on mimosas and claimed Tom Brady suffered a concussion which was unattended to, a sort of conspiracy theory minus the interesting part. It looks increasingly like this was a total fabrication and that Brady simply told her he had a concussion because he didn’t want to talk to her. 

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Katie Holmes And Jamie Foxx Definitely Having Hetero Sex

May 18, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

According to anonymous sources who are obviously her PR people, Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx are head over heels in love with each other. You know Holmes is a woman of passion because she signed a contract to remain in an on paper relationship with her previous gay husband for an allotted number of years.

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James Harden Has Friends In Low Places

May 17, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

It is being alleged in a lawsuit that James Harden paid a group of thugs $20,000 to beat a guy up and rob him of his jewelry. He has that kind of money. Apart from the contract and sneaker deal, someone paid him a shitload to throw game 6 against the Spurs.

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Miley Cyrus Image Change

May 17, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Miley Cyrus is apparently having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that she is Miley Cyrus. For anyone over thirty, this would be the thickly veneered daughter of country music hack Billy Ray Cyrus, an ass clown who had a novelty hit popular in bars where people fuck their cousins. First, if the Keystone is flowing. 

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Former WNBA Teammates Wed

May 16, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Prior to the Phoenix Mercury’s heavily not anticipated season opener, current player and former league MVP Diana Taurasi announced that she had married Penny Taylor, a former teammate whose couch is certainly covered in dog hair. 

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Antonio Cromartie To Have 14th Kid

May 16, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Despite having considerable difficulty naming all of his offspring, Antonio Cromartie is expecting his fourteenth kid, making it his sixth with his current wife Terricka Cromartie. This comes on the heels of Cromartie getting a vasectomy because he apparently gets chicks pregnant even when getting a hand job over the pants.

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Chick Digs Her Birthmark

May 15, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Being self congratulatory is a trait common amongst Millennials. In their minds, everything they do is a benevolent cause or crowning achievement. Even if they were going to do it anyway. Gained some weight, fantastic! Got a free dog from the pound, you’re a fucking hero! Got cast as Captain Marvel, it’s for the children! Ate at Earth Cafe, you’re supporting local farmers! Shut the fuck up. 

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James Woods Joshes Anderson Cooper

May 15, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

James Woods is being labeled a homophobe for suggesting Anderson Cooper had a butt plug inside of him while interviewing Kellyanne Conway. Completely inappropriate, he doesn’t always do that

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Steve Harvey Asshole Of The Month

May 12, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Steve Harvey is moving his mundane platitude laced talk show to Los Angeles. It’s like visiting with your great uncle, if your great uncle remained alive simply by not offending his Werther’s Original sponsorship. 

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