Go Out and Vote, You Sorry Sons of Bitches

When I used to tell people voting was a waste of time, they accused me of being a cynical fuck, which turned out to be true, as did voting being a complete waste of time. You reach a certain number of election cycles in your life when you realize that the system really is rigged against change. And hope too. Sorry handsomest President ever. But you still have to vote. For the same reason you have to hold doors open for Northeastern liberal arts college girls even though it’s tantamount to rape. It’s tradition. Some traditions are blatantly heinous, like slavery or rooting for the Raiders. But some traditions keep the fabric of our society from turning into a tattered homeless shelter quilt. Like voting every two years or being nice to old people even when they’re cranky assholes. When you go to the voting booth today, you’ll have the chance to do both of those.

You’d like to see some changes, I’d like to see some changes, but nothing’s going to change. And that’s okay. America’s doing well enough. We’re the classic B-student. We’re doing just enough to keep from having to see the guidance counselor about applying ourselves. We’ll get into a decent state school and probably hold a  relatively high position in a non-football fraternity. Being an A-student would take the type of concerted work effort we’re not prepared to make. As long as Guatemalan kids are walking one thousand miles through the briar patch to get here, you have to think we’re doing something right. At least better than Mexico. Vote today. America, fuck yeah!