Here’s a summary of the producers room for Christina Milian’s E! reality show. Ten hours of silence, followed by some dude in a porkpie hat yelling out, ‘She could get her nipple pierced’. Show one, done. Show two, we accidentally inject Christina with the puss filled urine of a chlamydia patient then film her anxiously waiting by the phone to see if her doctor’s going to let her work the exotic car show in Temecula. Show three, series canceled. Reality television exists only by the same rule that says zombies can’t eat other zombies. It’s an artificial construct so we can have three times the television necessary. There’s no shame in getting paid for your tits, but at some point you ought consider stopping short of mutilation. In my day, you had to travel to Bangkok for that show.
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