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Baby in a Box

February 27, 2015 | WTF | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

Ever at the forefront of social progress, Indiana is going to approve the use of ‘baby boxes’ at designated I don’t want my baby anymore drop off points. The newborn drops are mailboxes where you insert the baby close the door and the infant is deposited into a preheated (or pre cooled, depending on the time of year) receptacle. After dumping, you get about 7 Hippopotamus to dart back to your meth den or rigid white suburban family home before an alarm signals authorities there was a baby deposit made.

Proponents of the plan say that the baby boxes look pretty fucking cool and ultimately protect the health of the child. Also, Coca-Cola is considering a sponsorship in Gary. Opponents say they’ll just encourage hesitant new moms to dump their babies off simply because babies are a pain in the ass and the only way mom’s keep them is by telling them they have to. Arrows pointing to a box with the words ‘dump and party’ might give the wrong impression. Though all options are better than the trash can. And Hollywood isn’t adopting your Bible Belt baby any time soon. This either says something amazing about our nation or something horrible. We won’t know for twenty years until we track the Baby Box dumped kids and note that an inordinate number are now Congressional interns with codominant eyes.

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