9-11-15

It took fourteen years but shit seems to be fixed since the original 9-11. We kicked some Saudi ass and told them no more free shit and airplanes until they stop secretly funding terrorists. We cleaned up Iraq. Tourists are coming back. Afghanistan, forget about it. A thousand years of militant Mujahideen put down. ISIS, IS, or ISIL? They can’t even pick a fucking acronym. Squashed. U.S. Presidents have used the term Islamic terrorists so many times it’s already been trademarked and there’s a mascot of a dude who looks like Muhammed with crazy eyes and a scythe riding Disney’s Pumbaa. The TSA stopped groping hot white women with big tits at airport security and are focused on the nervous sweaty balls of young men with passport stamps that read like a Who’s Who of militant Middle Eastern and Subcontinent states. The NSA stopped tracking down their ex-girlfriends and wives and focused like a laser beam on the phone calls of dudes who shouted Death to America into their off-brand flip phones in an excessive manner. Whatever little is left to do, Donald or Hillary will expertly address. We’re solid. We’re good. We’re safe. Happy 9-11.