Fucking Qataris (VIDEO)

The population of Quatar is about eleven. Plus fifteen million Southeastern Asians to do their laundry and build Olympic Stadiums. Two of the nation’s finest found themselves moved to Beverly Hills because their dad or brother or uncle is a stupid diplomat or something in the U.S. Like all pissy Qataris, they took their million dollar race cars out into the residential streets around their mansion and almost killed a few kids while definitely killing their clutch. A breathless chubby cub reporter on the scene interviewed the dude who got out of the smoking Ferrari who told him he had diplomatic immunity and could get away with murder. Then he threw his cigarette at the pudgy Peter Parker and said Fuck America. That last part is only awesome because it’s so fucking Homeland.

The State Department is investigating the incident and lists its importance as somewhere between finding the missing Clinton emails and hosting a brunch for the new Surinamese Prime Minister coming to see the baby pandas. Previously, diplomatic immunity has only been used by foreign consulars to get out of shitloads of parking citations and score tickets to Martina McBride concerts. Running down a cute American kid on a trike could set off an international incident requiring apologies and formal gifting like never seen before. Sugar in the gas tank would be a shortcut. Nuking Qatar should be a go-to backup. Obama, get on this shit. I want to feel safe again in Beverly Hills.