Free Willy Again

A rough looking older blond lady marine biologist, not to be confused with every other rough looking older blond lady marine biologist, snuck into Sea World with a local zip code coupon and concluded that it sucks to be a killer whale in captivity.  This is contrast to the belief common among people under the age of eight that being locked up and made to perform shows for tourists is pretty fucking awesome. Dr. Ingrid Visser concluded that the mother orca she scoped out was too depressed even too feed her calf, which is a truly lamentable situation. Hayden Panettiere just announced the very same and got a bunch of ‘you go, girls’ for entering postpartum depression rehab. Better to be a rich celebrity with a stupid fucking name than an orca with a stupid fucking name.

Sea World claims Visser is an agenda driven documentarian trying to bandwagon onto Blackfish and other recent films where concerned animal rights activists let you know exactly what the animals are thinking. As a hint, it’s much kindler and gentler sentiment than what you might typically hear in a human penitentiary. Sea World claims the mother isn’t feeding the calf because it’s already weaned and eating 65 pounds of fish a day and mom wants it to get off it’s god damned tit already. Of course, nobody cries for the chum.

If you believe that these animals are as smart as humans, then you have to believe this captivity business is wrong. But then you have to ask yourself, which humans are they as smart as exactly? Like a Kardashian? Snooki? Certainly not Neil deGrasse Tyson smart. Tyson would be out of that tank and over the fence in about twenty minutes. Shamu could spend a lifetime and get no further than half a body length toward a suffocation death. More arbitrarily emotional documentaries, please. I need names of important movies to insist other people see.

Photo credit: SuperodDoc