Over the weekend, rapper Drake got in touch with his Jewish roots and half a million dollars and performed at a rich girl’s Bat Mitzvah. The dad is Ben Ashkenazy, whose real estate holdings are on the Trump level. Getting Drake and the Rainbow Room for your thirteenth birthday exponentially increases your odds of becoming Ann Hathaway in a movie visiting the seedy side of town for dangerous thrills. It’s tough to peek at thirteen especially when you actually weren’t the one doing anything other than saying thank you for coming to my Bat Mitzvah.
Like most half black Canadian rappers, Drake had a Bar Mitzvah growing up. He claims he was forever jealous of his rich Toronto neighbor kids having killer Bar Mitzvahs while he had to settle for kosher dogs and a gimp playing the fiddle. Middle class is tough on a gangster. But, man, the verses you can create from those only modestly well-off families. That’s why he became the Bar Mitzvah Fairy making sure every kid who has $500K lying around can get him for an 45 minute set and a kiss on the cheek. Mariah and Beyonce sing for foreign dictators. This isn’t as bad. Though it’s incredibly close.
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