New America’s icons of masculinity, Zac Efron and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, have “cheat days.” They claim that these are days when they cheat on their strict diets, which they’re on for the upcoming Baywatch movie no one was clamoring for. Efron also gets one day to cheat on his his homosexuality. A day to binge snort steroids off the asses of girls who will eventually leave in tears. John Wayne and Arnold Schwarzenegger are spinning in their graves. Schwarzenegger’s not dead yet, but don’t tell his face.
We’ve come to expect this from The Rock, who’s been pro wrestler Guatemalan powder dieting for years. But now Efron looks like Rocky-IV-era Dolph Lundgren took a shit, and Dr. Frankenstein electrocuted that excrement into a carbon-based life form capable of respiration. And not much else. Definitely not acting. Efron even tweeted his menu,
“#Cheatday ! Devoured a steak, 4 side potatoes/veggies, macncheese, 3 desserts, bread/butter, brick o cheese & caviar”
Humblebrag/douche. That’s breakfast for a Russian oligarch. Long way to go ’til manhood, Efron.
Photo credit: The Rock / Instagram